The definition of “borrow” is to take and use something that belongs to someone else with the intention of returning it. Borrowing assumes the absence of ownership and implies that at some point, a person will give back the borrowed item. The borrower does not possess the item, and it is only a matter of time until the borrowed item leaves the possession of the borrower and returns to the owner.
Lately, I have been intrigued by the concept that confidence is too often BORROWED and not owned. All BORROWED confidence starts with feelings and emotions. We see something or hear something that stirs up our confidence. A spark of confidence is lit by the thought of a new business or the idea for a new book. BORROWED confidence helps drive the annual parade of new gym memberships every January and is responsible for the sales of all of those new gym clothes in December. BORROWED confidence inspires us to look for a new job but never propels us to actually apply for a new job.
I am not saying that borrowing confidence is bad. Most of us must borrow first before we own our confidence, but an endless cycle of borrowing can eventually create a perpetual state of uncertainty. The only reason to borrow confidence is so that you can at some point OWN confidence. Confident people are not only confident in one thing, but BEING confident infects the hardware of the human operating system. Dr. Barbara Markway concluded that self-confidence is linked to almost every element involved in a happy, successful life. Confidence is rarely compartmentalized, which is why it is so important. Confident people make more money, are more successful, and are happier. This fact makes borrowing confidence so problematic. The benefit of BEING confidence is not felt in the short-term but in the long-term. If we are only confident when we “feel” like it, we never advance to the state of actually BEING confident. So we rent, return, repeat . . . over and over again.
So, this begets the question, how can I stop borrowing confidence and BE confident? The key is to understand that confidence is only built through achievement. It doesn’t have to be big, grand achievements – but it can be small goals accomplished in a very controlled manner. You can borrow confidence anytime – listen to a song, watch a movie, read a book – these things prime your emotional confidence pump and get you really excited. But without the achievement to support the emotion, you are simply borrowing confidence for a few fleeting moments. Eventually, you run out of the emotions that generated the confidence. The payment to BEING confident requires overcoming obstacles and meeting the objectives of your plan . . . aka accomplishment.
To reach your accomplishments, start small by setting realistic goals. When confidence is borrowed, people tend to inflate their abilities. The momentary excitement fueled by emotion cause people to overestimate their abilities. They bite off more than they can chew and find themselves frustrated. Frustration leads to dejection, eventually leading to the return of the BORROWED confidence. So, if you are tired of borrowing confidence and frustrated at the stagnant nature created from BORROWED confidence, break your goals down into small pieces. Focus on completing the small steps towards your destination, not the entirety of your journey. Take pride in even the smallest accomplishment. Even from the smallest of steps, the sense of accomplishment will start to change you from a BORROWER of confidence into BEING confident. Confidence is too important to rent. Great achievement requires ownership, so stop borrowing – make the payments required towards BEING confident.