The irony of life is that at some point, we all stand at the brink of becoming something that we despise. Life silently nudges us towards the undesirable situations that sit quietly at the edge of our consciousness. We proudly announce our position against a certain action, a set of behaviors, or an established attitude. The recipe for our downfall comes in a mixture of emotion and ego. I was at that frightening edge this week, and so the hardest choice I had to make this week was to “get it right” and not “be right.”
This choice revolved around 9-year-old girls recreational soccer. Sadly, and quite unexpectantly, I found myself at the edge of becoming the crazy youth sports dad. I had been having some “philosophical differences” with one of my children’s coaches. These differences were amplified because I was the assistant coach of this team. I had the data points that would prove my way was a better way. Our scoring record made it evident that my strategy was the right strategy. I had other parents approaching me about the line-up and the strategy wondering why our team wasn’t using it the entire time. After weeks of politely making suggestions to our head coach, I was told to shut up and know my role. At that moment, I felt a wave of rage come over my body. It was a mix of ego-based testosterone and the protective instincts of a papa bear. At the same moment my daughter appeared at my side, asked me a random question about her water bottle (which she always leaves in the car). Her smiling face helped me to hit the pause button. While I was able to extinguish the sudden rage, the general stupidity of our current strategy consumed my thoughts. We had three weeks of the season remaining. I convinced myself that if the Bill Belichick of girls soccer could get his head out of his ass and listen to what I was saying that our team would be unstoppable.
I couldn’t let the situation go until I decided to “get it right” instead of “being right.” This mindset took two weeks to form. I finally realized that the best thing for everyone was to finish the season as peacefully as possible. Yes, we might have won the championship if we used my strategy. The girls might have been more successful and had more fun. The parents might have been more satisfied with the season in general. Being hyper-aggressive about the line-up of 9-year-old girls soccer would have made me “right,” but I would have gotten the situation wrong. If I had escalated the situation it would have soured the season for the players. “Getting it right” meant that the girls had fun and finished the season on a positive note, without the drama generated from a 40-year old, overly competitive adult.
My shift in mindset happened the night before our last game, which allowed the season to end in a positive manner. The week following my eureka moment I have been mindful of this binary choice – “being right” versus “getting it right.” I was surprised how often this hard choice arises. I noticed it quite a few times when parenting my kids, dealing with my wife, and working through situations at work. I didn’t always choose to “get it right,” but I realized that the times I did decided to “get it right” the outcomes were always positive. However, when I chose to “be right” I was only satisfied with the result 50% of the time, and to make matters worse “being right” created much more emotional drama. Yes, “being right” felt more satisfying at the moment, but after some time and reviewing the overall outcome – it was clear that “getting it right” beats “being right” every time.
“Being right” is all about you. It makes you feel better, feel smarter, feel more powerful. “Getting it right” is about the situation, which usually involves putting the needs of other people above your need to be right. This hard decision requires a person to put their ego in check, and find a more powerful force than the feeling of being right. In my soccer example, it took a well-timed, forgetful daughter to remind me of the importance of getting it right.